Chris Rock

“If Bill Gates woke up with Oprah's money, he'd jump out the window.”

“Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself.”

“I think my best work is when I'm kind of in charge.”

“I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.”

“Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?”

“I love being famous. It's almost like being white.”

“Sometimes people offer you plays, they offer you parts, but they only offer it because I'm famous.”

“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”

“Hollywood's just not funny.”

“Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.”

“You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.”

“I was bused to a school in Gerritsen Beach in Brooklyn in 1972. I was one of the first black kids in the history of the school.”

“A sense of humor is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.”

“Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.”

“Movies have takes. But plays are like life - you don't really get takes.”

“Dude, I didn't say Jude Law can't act. I didn't say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he's in every movie.”

“My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.”

“Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.”

“Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.”

“I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.”