Bob Hope

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.”

“A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?”

“I have too much money invested in sweaters.”

“I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.”

“I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.”

“Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.”

“You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

“A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.”

“If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.”

“When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.”

“If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.”

“If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.”

“The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.”