44 quotes by Erma Bombeck

“Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.” — Erma Bombeck

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“A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Never have more children than you have car windows.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.” — Erma Bombeck

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“My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.” — Erma Bombeck

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“It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.” — Erma Bombeck

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“It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.” — Erma Bombeck

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“All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.” — Erma Bombeck

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“I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.” — Erma Bombeck

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“A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.” — Erma Bombeck

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“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Never order food in excess of your body weight.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.” — Erma Bombeck

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“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.” — Erma Bombeck

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“God created man, but I could do better.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.” — Erma Bombeck

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“For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.” — Erma Bombeck

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