44 quotes by Erma Bombeck

“Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.” — Erma Bombeck

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“When humor goes, there goes civilization.” — Erma Bombeck

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“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.” — Erma Bombeck

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“I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.” — Erma Bombeck

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“One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Children make your life important.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.” — Erma Bombeck

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“What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?” — Erma Bombeck

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“It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.” — Erma Bombeck

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“There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” — Erma Bombeck

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“I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.” — Erma Bombeck

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“If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.” — Erma Bombeck

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“I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'” — Erma Bombeck

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“I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.” — Erma Bombeck

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