34 quotes by Steven Wright

“I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.” — Steven Wright

0 favs

“There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.” — Steven Wright

0 favs

“When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.” — Steven Wright

0 favs

“I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.” — Steven Wright

0 favs

“A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.” — Steven Wright

0 favs

“I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.” — Steven Wright

0 favs

“I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'” — Steven Wright

0 favs

“I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.” — Steven Wright

0 favs

“I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.” — Steven Wright

0 favs