40 quotes by Woody Allen

“On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .” — Woody Allen

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“It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.” — Woody Allen

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“I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.” — Woody Allen

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“His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.” — Woody Allen

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“I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.” — Woody Allen

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“The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.” — Woody Allen

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“My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.” — Woody Allen

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“If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.” — Woody Allen

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“I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.” — Woody Allen

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“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” — Woody Allen

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“Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.” — Woody Allen

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“It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.” — Woody Allen

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“I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.” — Woody Allen

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“Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.” — Woody Allen

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“Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.” — Woody Allen

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