40 quotes by Woody Allen

10
“I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.”— Woody Allen
10
“Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.”— Woody Allen
10
“I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.”— Woody Allen
11
“I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.”— Woody Allen
20
“As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.”— Woody Allen
20
“There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?”— Woody Allen
10
“I failed to make the chess team because of my height.”— Woody Allen
10
“Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.”— Woody Allen
10
“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty d--n good.”— Woody Allen
10
“I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!”— Woody Allen
10
“If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.”— Woody Allen
10
“If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.”— Woody Allen
10
“Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.”— Woody Allen
10
“I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.”— Woody Allen
10
“Eighty percent of success is showing up.”— Woody Allen
10
“Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.”— Woody Allen
10
“If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.”— Woody Allen
10
“To you, I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.”— Woody Allen
10
“I am two with nature.”— Woody Allen
10
“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”— Woody Allen
10
“Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.”— Woody Allen
10
“Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.”— Woody Allen
10
“I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.”— Woody Allen
10
“I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.”— Woody Allen
10
“Marriage is the death of hope.”— Woody Allen