81 quotes by Ambrose Bierce

“Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“Irreligion - the principal one of the great faiths of the world.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“Ardor, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.” — Ambrose Bierce

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“Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.” — Ambrose Bierce

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