37 quotes by Dave Barry

“Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.” — Dave Barry

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“The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.” — Dave Barry

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“It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.” — Dave Barry

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“It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.” — Dave Barry

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“Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.” — Dave Barry

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“What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.” — Dave Barry

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“Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.” — Dave Barry

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“We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.” — Dave Barry

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“I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.” — Dave Barry

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“The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.” — Dave Barry

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“The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.” — Dave Barry

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“As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.” — Dave Barry

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“The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.” — Dave Barry

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“I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.” — Dave Barry

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“Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.” — Dave Barry

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“Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.” — Dave Barry

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“Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.” — Dave Barry

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“The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.” — Dave Barry

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“Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.” — Dave Barry

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“I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.” — Dave Barry

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“The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.” — Dave Barry

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“The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.” — Dave Barry

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“To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.” — Dave Barry

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“Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.” — Dave Barry

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“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” — Dave Barry

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