H. L. Mencken

“The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.”

“The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.”

“Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.”

“Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love.”

“Women always excel men in that sort of wisdom which comes from experience. To be a woman is in itself a terrible experience.”

“Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.”

“It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods.”

“Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good.”

“The worst government is often the most moral. One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane. But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.”

“Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.”

“Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.”

“Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself.”

“I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense.”

“Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.”

“When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands.”

“Temptation is an irresistible force at work on a movable body.”

“Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible for those who have had any experience with them.”

“In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.”

“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?”

“The chief contribution of Protestantism to human thought is its massive proof that God is a bore.”

“Communism, like any other revealed religion, is largely made up of prophecies.”

“Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.”

“Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.”

“A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in.”