969 private quotes tagged funny

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.” — Ellen DeGeneres

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“I sometimes lie awake at night trying to think of something funny that Richard Nixon said.” — Lyn Nofziger

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“My father was always a straight-up funny guy. He was silly. He was my inspiration.” — Mike Myers

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“I'm just not one of those naturally funny, relaxed actors who enjoy the spotlight and are so good at it.” — Heath Ledger

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“People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?'” — Al Yankovic

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“I need to be cheered up a lot. I think funny people are people who need to be cheered up.” — Lynda Barry

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“Boston is actually the capital of the world. You didn't know that? We breed smart-a-s, quippy, funny people. Not that I'm one of them. I just sorta sneaked in under the radar.” — John Krasinski

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“I mean it's funny, playing music, how of course you want it to do well, you want them to like it, but it's not competitive like an election, it's the Olympics, it's not a Formula 1 race. The Billboard charts are just to show you what people like.” — Eddie Van Halen

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“It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger.” — Gertrude Stein

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“When humor can be made to alternate with melancholy, one has a success, but when the same things are funny and melancholic at the same time, it's just wonderful.” — Francois Truffaut

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“It's funny how making odd noises can get you into strange situations sometimes.” — Eric San

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“I think Chris Rock at the Oscars was a great example. I thought that was intellectually hilarious. The Gap starts a war with Banana Republic... That to me was funny.” — Christopher Meloni

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“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” — Isaac Asimov

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“I'm so single. It's funny. I'm usually a relationship girl. I love being in love and having a partner in crime. But it's good to be your own partner in crime. God, that makes me sound like I have multiple-personality disorder.” — Brittany Snow

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“It's funny, though, speaking of fathers and sons, because me and John Goodman played father and son, like, five or six years ago in the film 'Death Sentence,' and I got back with him again in 'Inside Llewyn Davis.'” — Garrett Hedlund

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“If you are a great dramatic actor then you often don't know if people are enjoying your stuff at all because they are sitting there in silence. But with comedy it's a simple premise. If it's funny, people laugh. If it's not, they don't.” — Steve Coogan

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“I'm an unorthodox type of guy, a funny guy - at least I think I'm funny. And one of the things I like to do is come up with nicknames for myself.” — Shaquille O'Neal

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“I'm very silly as a person, but quality silliness on-screen has more of an art to it. Harrison Ford, whom I was in 'Morning Glory' with, has mastered that dry funny better than anyone.” — Rachel McAdams

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“With improv, it's a combination of listening and not trying to be funny.” — Kristen Wiig

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“On the stage you're there, it's live. There's a beginning, a middle, an end. When something is funny you hear it right away.” — Theodore Bikel

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“It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.” — Bill Hicks

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“It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.” — Joe Rogan

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“I got to dress up in funny clothes and run around New Zealand with a bow and arrow for 18 months, how bad could that be?” — Orlando Bloom

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“It sounds funny, but the 2008 Olympics were something that just kind of happened, and I was lucky they came at a point when I was uninjured and well prepared. As a gymnast, you can't ask for much more.” — Shawn Johnson

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“Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.” — Peter Ustinov

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