969 private quotes tagged funny

“I got pregnant at 40 by surprise. It's funny, because when we found out we were pregnant, I said, 'Okay, let's experience that.' You just have to just go with it because it's rare.” — Julianna Margulies

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“Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.” — Oscar Levant

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“There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off.” — Doug Coupland

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“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.” — Casey Stengel

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“I have this horrible sense of humor where I think discomfort is funny - partly because I experience discomfort a lot, and it's a way of laughing at it and getting a release.” — Joaquin Phoenix

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“It's funny how social activists usually protest against the only things that have a credible chance of achieving the activists' goals.” — Craig Bruce

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“I'm blonde and tanned and normal-sized! I'm sweet, shy, funny, have a big heart and I'm nice - and I like to eat.” — Paris Hilton

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“I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses.” — Stephen King

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“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” — Jim Carrey

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“God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.” — Garrison Keillor

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“I think I'm funny because my family, my siblings were funny.” — Martin Short

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“You know how old I am? I'm so old, I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That's how old I am.” — Rush Limbaugh

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“It's a funny thing, the less people have to live for, the less nerve they have to risk losing nothing.” — Zora Neale Hurston

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“The funny thing about me that most people never really understand is that, at heart, I'm really a jock.” — Billy Corgan

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“There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.” — Jean Baudrillard

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“A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters.” — Barbara Corcoran

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“In my circle of friends, I've always been loud and funny and talkative. But as soon as I step out of that circle, I get very quiet and introspective. I don't want the spotlight on me.” — Rosie Perez

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“Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.” — Steve Martin

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“I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers.” — Steve Martin

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“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” — Reba McEntire

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“I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don't know. I mean, how can you tell?” — Andy Warhol

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“A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” — Don Marquis

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“As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children.” — P. J. O'Rourke

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“Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.” — Milton Berle

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“It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget.” — Chuck Palahniuk

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