969 private quotes tagged funny

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.” — Ellen DeGeneres

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“It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger.” — Gertrude Stein

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“It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.” — Bill Hicks

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“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” — Isaac Asimov

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“It's funny, though, speaking of fathers and sons, because me and John Goodman played father and son, like, five or six years ago in the film 'Death Sentence,' and I got back with him again in 'Inside Llewyn Davis.'” — Garrett Hedlund

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“Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.” — Peter Ustinov

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“You know the funny thing, I don't get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people.” — Donald Trump

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“People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?'” — Al Yankovic

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“The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...'” — Isaac Asimov

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“It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you are dead, you are made for life.” — Jimi Hendrix

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“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” — Reba McEntire

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“God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.” — Garrison Keillor

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“I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses.” — Stephen King

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“I'm blonde and tanned and normal-sized! I'm sweet, shy, funny, have a big heart and I'm nice - and I like to eat.” — Paris Hilton

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“There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off.” — Doug Coupland

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“I think I'm funny because my family, my siblings were funny.” — Martin Short

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“You know how old I am? I'm so old, I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That's how old I am.” — Rush Limbaugh

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“It's a funny thing, the less people have to live for, the less nerve they have to risk losing nothing.” — Zora Neale Hurston

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“The funny thing about me that most people never really understand is that, at heart, I'm really a jock.” — Billy Corgan

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“There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.” — Jean Baudrillard

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“A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters.” — Barbara Corcoran

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“In my circle of friends, I've always been loud and funny and talkative. But as soon as I step out of that circle, I get very quiet and introspective. I don't want the spotlight on me.” — Rosie Perez

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“Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.” — Steve Martin

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“I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers.” — Steve Martin

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“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” — Steve Martin

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