969 private quotes tagged funny

“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.” — P. J. O'Rourke

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“As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children.” — P. J. O'Rourke

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“God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.” — Garrison Keillor

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“It's funny about men and women. Men pay in cash to get them and pay in cash to get rid of them. Women pay emotionally coming and going. Neither has it easy.” — Hedy Lamarr

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“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” — Reba McEntire

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“I know some people say I can be funny. But there is always a deeper meaning to what I say. I am a socialist at heart and have the interests of the poor in mind. When people see how I manage to work my way out of tough situations, it gives them hope in their own life.” — Lalu Prasad Yadav

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“Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.” — Hedy Lamarr

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“I could party in a cardboard box with people who are funny and don't care. For me, it's really about who I surround myself with, so I just try to always be with hilarious people.” — Kesha

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“I have an all-Japanese design team, and none of them speak English. So it's often funny and surprising how my ideas end up lost in translation.” — Pharrell Williams

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“Funny is an attitude.” — Flip Wilson

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“It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget.” — Chuck Palahniuk

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“Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.” — Ellen DeGeneres

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“Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.” — Joan Rivers

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“It is funny the two things most men are proudest of is the thing that any man can do and doing does in the same way, that is being drunk and being the father of their son.” — Gertrude Stein

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“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.” — Ellen DeGeneres

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“As soon as you are trying to be funny or dramatic, that's when things start feeling fake and boring.” — Joseph Gordon-Levitt

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“People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?'” — Al Yankovic

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“It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger.” — Gertrude Stein

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“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” — Isaac Asimov

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“It's funny recently I've started to notice people's impersonations of me, and it's basically like a hyperactive child.” — Dave Grohl

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“It's funny, though, speaking of fathers and sons, because me and John Goodman played father and son, like, five or six years ago in the film 'Death Sentence,' and I got back with him again in 'Inside Llewyn Davis.'” — Garrett Hedlund

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“Cheryl Cole and Katy Perry are two of the hottest girls in the world - and so normal and funny with it. If I was a few years older they are the kind of girls I'd like to date. I want a younger version of Cheryl and Katy - a mixture of the two would be hot.” — Justin Bieber

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“A good artist is willing to die many times over. What's funny is, I've died so many times.” — Billy Corgan

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“I wear black skinny-fit jeans - I can't get away from them. It's funny because I wore baggy jeans for ages, then one day my friend convinced me to try on a skinny pair and I thought they were great.” — Shaun White

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“It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.” — Bill Hicks

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