969 private quotes tagged funny

“It's funny how social activists usually protest against the only things that have a credible chance of achieving the activists' goals.” — Craig Bruce

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“You know what's funny to me? Attitude.” — Don Rickles

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“If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?” — Lily Tomlin

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“All men are equal before fish.” — Herbert Hoover

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“Keep your sense of humor, my friend if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore.” — Wavy Gravy

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“I didn't grow up identifying with beauty. I grew up thinking I could be smart and funny - those are the things I got feedback on.” — Lauren Graham

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“It's a funny thing about life if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.” — W. Somerset Maugham

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“Do you know, it's funny, but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage, and I never thought of being black as a disadvantage.” — Stevie Wonder

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“The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.” — David Ogilvy

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“I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers.” — Steve Martin

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“The middle class is so funny, it's the class I know best, and it's the class where you find the most pretension, so that's what makes the middle classes so funny.” — J. K. Rowling

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“If you play it straight it's funny - the best comedy is always played straight down the middle. The adjustment is understanding from the screenplay that a moment is hilarious.” — Tom Hiddleston

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“The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.” — Arthur C. Clarke

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“Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they're down, and when they're having a good time, I can carry on the joke.” — John Krasinski

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“To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'” — Rita Rudner

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“Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.” — Chris Rock

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“I mean I've seen 3D films so far and I think it's a long way to go before they replace actors. It's a funny thing with 3D, I haven't quite got it yet. Yet.” — Daniel Radcliffe

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“Never have more children than you have car windows.” — Erma Bombeck

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“It's so funny looking back, but my so-called overnight success actually took 15 years. I remember when I didn't have any money, and my only car was mom's Hyundai.” — Criss Angel

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“A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.” — Spike Milligan

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“Actually I never did stand up. I'm not that funny.” — Maynard James Keenan

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“The promos with all of the beautiful women probably attracted some men, but the mystery story line is pretty cool. It's got that dark edge, and people will watch anything funny.” — James Denton

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“Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.” — Jay Leno

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“I used to say, 'Man, I think I'd be a really good dad. I'll be a great provider. I'm funny I'll go on trips with them - I'll do all sorts of stuff.' But the momming? I'm not made for that. I have a really good mom I know what she put into it.” — Elizabeth Gilbert

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“One time I went into a restroom and a girl followed me in. I signed an autograph for her in the sink. It was pretty funny because she was in a guy's restroom and she wasn't embarrassed at all.” — Zac Efron

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