969 private quotes tagged funny

“To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'” — Rita Rudner

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“Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.” — Chris Rock

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“I mean I've seen 3D films so far and I think it's a long way to go before they replace actors. It's a funny thing with 3D, I haven't quite got it yet. Yet.” — Daniel Radcliffe

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“Never have more children than you have car windows.” — Erma Bombeck

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“It's so funny looking back, but my so-called overnight success actually took 15 years. I remember when I didn't have any money, and my only car was mom's Hyundai.” — Criss Angel

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“A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.” — Spike Milligan

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“Actually I never did stand up. I'm not that funny.” — Maynard James Keenan

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“The promos with all of the beautiful women probably attracted some men, but the mystery story line is pretty cool. It's got that dark edge, and people will watch anything funny.” — James Denton

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“Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.” — Jay Leno

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“I used to say, 'Man, I think I'd be a really good dad. I'll be a great provider. I'm funny I'll go on trips with them - I'll do all sorts of stuff.' But the momming? I'm not made for that. I have a really good mom I know what she put into it.” — Elizabeth Gilbert

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“One time I went into a restroom and a girl followed me in. I signed an autograph for her in the sink. It was pretty funny because she was in a guy's restroom and she wasn't embarrassed at all.” — Zac Efron

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“My dad loved to laugh. He was very funny and very silly.” — Mike Myers

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“Politicians... talk in generalities and lies, and I think they've caused all our grief. They're so awful, they're really funny. I hate thinking this because my dad loved politics.” — Paul Lynde

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“I love being a dad, it keeps me fit and inspired and children are so funny. They always supply you with acting material!” — Wesley Snipes

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“The funny thing is, Dennis Miller got me back into comedy.” — Tommy Chong

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“Here's the funny thing about the response I've been aware of to my dating famous people: It's been very negative. I'm either not good-looking enough, not a good enough actor or not successful enough for these people.” — Dax Shepard

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“I made a supreme effort not to do that thing that parents do, which is to bore people without children to death by going on and on about how funny their children are, so there's none of that hopefully.” — Jo Brand

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“Polite conversation is rarely either.” — Fran Lebowitz

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“And, in a funny way, each death is different and you mourn each death differently and each death brings back the death you mourned earlier and you get into a bit of a pile-up.” — Nigella Lawson

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“It's funny, though, speaking of fathers and sons, because me and John Goodman played father and son, like, five or six years ago in the film 'Death Sentence,' and I got back with him again in 'Inside Llewyn Davis.'” — Garrett Hedlund

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“I have an all-Japanese design team, and none of them speak English. So it's often funny and surprising how my ideas end up lost in translation.” — Pharrell Williams

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“It's funny now how much we look at - whatever you want to call it: art, design, culture stuff, film - online, and how in the online world, you're instantly global.” — Mike Mills

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“A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.” — Erma Bombeck

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“Food is an important part of a balanced diet.” — Fran Lebowitz

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“Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.” — Milton Berle

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