969 private quotes tagged funny

“It's funny - nowadays people that are famous get chased by paparazzi. They have this fame, but they don't have the money to hide from it.” — Matt LeBlanc

0 favs

“I follow the most random people on Twitter. I follow famous people like Khloe Kardashian, who surprisingly makes really funny tweets all the time.” — Chloe Moretz

0 favs

“You know, Stephen says, in the movies no one ever goes to the bathroom. They shave, they brush their teeth. He goes right at this sort of funny taboo we have about the bathroom, and he turned it into this nightmare, you know, your worst fear of what's in there.” — Lawrence Kasdan

0 favs

“You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.” — Milton Berle

0 favs

“Never fight an inanimate object.” — P. J. O'Rourke

0 favs

“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.” — Mae West

0 favs

“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” — Chris Rock

0 favs

“Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.” — Cathy Guisewite

0 favs

“Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.” — Robert Orben

0 favs

“Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been, only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important, the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly, except shorter and Jewish.” — Denis Leary

0 favs

“It's a funny thing about me. I don't have any interest in food most of the time now, although when I was a kid I was always hungry.” — Alan Ladd

0 favs

“I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.” — David Lee Roth

0 favs

“Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.” — P. J. O'Rourke

0 favs

“Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.” — William Arthur Ward

0 favs

“I rant, therefore I am.” — Dennis Miller

0 favs

“I like funny guys and those, for some reason, tend to be nerdy guys.” — Megan Fox

0 favs

“Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.” — P. J. O'Rourke

0 favs

“It's funny. You succeed, but now where are you gonna go from there? I've got to keep proving that I can laugh or cry more real each time.” — Jeff Bridges

0 favs

“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?” — Lily Tomlin

0 favs

“If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.” — Billy Wilder

0 favs

“Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.” — Red Skelton

0 favs

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin

0 favs

“Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.” — Joey Adams

0 favs

“It's funny to be a critic.” — Leslie Fiedler

0 favs

“Sixth grade was a big time, in my childhood, of hoops and friendship, and coming up with funny things.” — Adam Sandler

0 favs