969 private quotes tagged funny

“It's funny how intimate it feels to get a text.” — Sophie Ellis-Bextor

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“I knew exactly what to do on Alien, it was funny.” — Ridley Scott

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“It's not common for a woman on television, especially if she's the mom of the family, to be funny. She's usually a straight man or foil.” — Martha Plimpton

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“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” — Don Marquis

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“It's not an accident that both my sister and I are writers. Our parents created an accidental Petri dish. My family has great storytellers, and I grew up in a very funny, conversational house and didn't have television. This small family farm was a bubble world that didn't have much to do with reality.” — Elizabeth Gilbert

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“Hollywood's just not funny.” — Chris Rock

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“I guess now that I think back, I used to play priest and be a funny priest. I don't know, I grew up in such a Catholic family that I kind of liked to test the boundaries a little bit and I think I had fun watching my mom laugh.” — Jenny McCarthy

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“For a culture that has such a problem with death, we seem to deal with it in a quite bizarre way. We see people shot, killed and blown up, and we find it funny and sexy and all those things. But, the reality of it is that every day people die, and people are really sad and they grieve and they go through a really difficult process with it.” — Michael Sheen

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“Everything I buy is vintage and smells funny. Maybe that's why I don't have a boyfriend.” — Lucy Liu

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“The follow your dreams thing is really important because so many people are railroaded into taking other paths by their family, their friends, people who should be supportive going, 'What are you talking about?' Even just seemingly regular career paths, but if it's not what people expect for you they kind of react funny.” — Joan Jett

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“I think we're the only jokeless show on television. I mean really, we have no setups and no punch lines. It's not a joke show. There are funny lines and funny moments but again the comedy is born of the human experience and awkward pauses are a great part of what it is to be human.” — Rainn Wilson

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“I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.” — Arnold Schwarzenegger

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“Funny enough, if you are looking at people these days who are putting Botox in their face and getting all sorts of plastic surgery, we look at them and go, I can tell you've had Botox. I can tell you've had plastic surgery. You look really strange to me. But no one's saying anything. We're just accepting the fact that they're strange-looking.” — Guy Pearce

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“I think sometimes my humor is extremely dry, and a lot of times I would say things that I thought were very funny but... I have a reputation of - people think of me as a very fundamentalist, humorless fellow.” — Ian MacKaye

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“I love weird or funny or beautiful sentences Joy Williams could write a microwave-oven manual and I'm sure I'd love it, because the sentences would be tuned up like music.” — Karen Russell

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“I love New York. I was sad, depressed and incredibly moved by our fellow countrymen and what they've done. I wanted to give people a chance to see something funny, have a distraction.” — Ben Stiller

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“I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose.” — Arthur Conan Doyle

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“I was asked to act when I couldn't act. I was asked to sing 'Funny Face' when I couldn't sing, and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldn't dance - and do all kinds of things I wasn't prepared for. Then I tried like mad to cope with it.” — Audrey Hepburn

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“You find out in life that people really like you funny. So what do you give 'em? Humor. And then if you show them the other side, they don't like you as much. I find, too, that I can hide behind the idiot's mask being funny, and you never see the sorrow or the pain.” — Terry Bradshaw

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“Especially with a comedy, you've got the clear cut goal of trying to make a scene funny. It's not like drama where you're trying to achieve some kind of emotion or trying to further the story along. You're trying to figure out what's the funniest way to do something.” — Luke Wilson

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“I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.” — Frank Carson

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“'Funny People' is my favorite performance of myself to date. Even though it's a comedy and there are serious moments, I really felt like Leo felt like a real person. It didn't feel like I was playing myself. Whether it's a comedy or drama, I just try to make it as realistic as possible.” — Jonah Hill

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“Because death and illness are the most horrible things in life, of course that's where the most absurdly funny things are going to happen.” — Julia Sweeney

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“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” — Ron White

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“A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.” — David Brenner

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