969 private quotes tagged funny

“It's funny. You succeed, but now where are you gonna go from there? I've got to keep proving that I can laugh or cry more real each time.” — Jeff Bridges

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“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?” — Lily Tomlin

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“If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.” — Billy Wilder

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“Actually I never did stand up. I'm not that funny.” — Maynard James Keenan

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“A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.” — Spike Milligan

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“It's so funny looking back, but my so-called overnight success actually took 15 years. I remember when I didn't have any money, and my only car was mom's Hyundai.” — Criss Angel

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“Never have more children than you have car windows.” — Erma Bombeck

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“A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.'” — Claude Pepper

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“I mean I've seen 3D films so far and I think it's a long way to go before they replace actors. It's a funny thing with 3D, I haven't quite got it yet. Yet.” — Daniel Radcliffe

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“Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.” — Chris Rock

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“I'm a pretty funny guy, and I would love to do a comedy with a bunch of funny guys - movie-star guys, where they could help me through it.” — LeBron James

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“To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'” — Rita Rudner

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“Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they're down, and when they're having a good time, I can carry on the joke.” — John Krasinski

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“The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.” — Arthur C. Clarke

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“If you play it straight it's funny - the best comedy is always played straight down the middle. The adjustment is understanding from the screenplay that a moment is hilarious.” — Tom Hiddleston

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“The middle class is so funny, it's the class I know best, and it's the class where you find the most pretension, so that's what makes the middle classes so funny.” — J. K. Rowling

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“I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers.” — Steve Martin

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“The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.” — David Ogilvy

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“Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.” — Phyllis Diller

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“Do you know, it's funny, but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage, and I never thought of being black as a disadvantage.” — Stevie Wonder

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“It's a funny thing about life if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.” — W. Somerset Maugham

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“I didn't grow up identifying with beauty. I grew up thinking I could be smart and funny - those are the things I got feedback on.” — Lauren Graham

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“Keep your sense of humor, my friend if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore.” — Wavy Gravy

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“All men are equal before fish.” — Herbert Hoover

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“If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?” — Lily Tomlin

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