969 private quotes tagged funny

“Laurence Olivier said in an interview once that when he plays a tragedy he always aims for the funny parts, and the other way around. Because in a comedy you look for what's serious. I think that's true. Sometimes things are really funny if you're absolutely earnest. If you're really serious, it's hilarious.” — Christopher Walken

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“I was going through a little bit of turbulence in my career. And so, it's funny how turbulence itself will make you hold onto something for security. And so the only thing I knew is trust in the Lord and lean not unto your own heart, in all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy path.” — Emmitt Smith

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“I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.” — Fred Allen

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“Here is my prescription to heal all wounds. Watch the film 'Funny Girl' at least five times, eat at least 45 chocolate bars, and hang out with all those friends you blew off to hang out with your ex. I truly believe that, through a combination of Nutella, old pals and Barbra Streisand, we can achieve happiness and, very probably, world peace.” — Beth Ditto

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“As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” — Buddy Hackett

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“I got pregnant at 40 by surprise. It's funny, because when we found out we were pregnant, I said, 'Okay, let's experience that.' You just have to just go with it because it's rare.” — Julianna Margulies

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“I have this horrible sense of humor where I think discomfort is funny - partly because I experience discomfort a lot, and it's a way of laughing at it and getting a release.” — Joaquin Phoenix

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“Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.” — Milton Berle

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“Food is an important part of a balanced diet.” — Fran Lebowitz

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“A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.” — Erma Bombeck

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“I like children - fried.” — W.C. Fields

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“If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.” — Laurence J. Peter

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“If man knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry.” — O. Henry

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“I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.” — Emo Philips

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“It's funny now how much we look at - whatever you want to call it: art, design, culture stuff, film - online, and how in the online world, you're instantly global.” — Mike Mills

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“I have an all-Japanese design team, and none of them speak English. So it's often funny and surprising how my ideas end up lost in translation.” — Pharrell Williams

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“A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.” — Kevin Nealon

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“I'm for whatever gets you through the night.” — Frank Sinatra

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“It's funny, though, speaking of fathers and sons, because me and John Goodman played father and son, like, five or six years ago in the film 'Death Sentence,' and I got back with him again in 'Inside Llewyn Davis.'” — Garrett Hedlund

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“And, in a funny way, each death is different and you mourn each death differently and each death brings back the death you mourned earlier and you get into a bit of a pile-up.” — Nigella Lawson

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“Polite conversation is rarely either.” — Fran Lebowitz

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“Working with Chaplin was very amusing and strange. His films are so funny, but working with him, I found him to be a very serious man. Whereas the films of Hitchcock are macabre, he could be a very funny man to work with, always telling jokes and holding court. Of course, when I worked with Charlie he was getting older.” — Tippi Hedren

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“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.” — Groucho Marx

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“Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.” — Luis Bunuel

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“I made a supreme effort not to do that thing that parents do, which is to bore people without children to death by going on and on about how funny their children are, so there's none of that hopefully.” — Jo Brand

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