969 private quotes tagged funny

“I mean I've seen 3D films so far and I think it's a long way to go before they replace actors. It's a funny thing with 3D, I haven't quite got it yet. Yet.” — Daniel Radcliffe

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“If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.” — Billy Wilder

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“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?” — Lily Tomlin

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“I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.” — Emo Philips

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“It's funny. You succeed, but now where are you gonna go from there? I've got to keep proving that I can laugh or cry more real each time.” — Jeff Bridges

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“Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.” — P. J. O'Rourke

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“Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.” — Chris Rock

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“To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'” — Rita Rudner

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“If man knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry.” — O. Henry

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“Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.” — Luis Bunuel

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“I like funny guys and those, for some reason, tend to be nerdy guys.” — Megan Fox

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“I rant, therefore I am.” — Dennis Miller

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“Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they're down, and when they're having a good time, I can carry on the joke.” — John Krasinski

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“Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.” — William Arthur Ward

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“Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.” — P. J. O'Rourke

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“The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.” — Arthur C. Clarke

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“I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.” — David Lee Roth

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“It's a funny thing about me. I don't have any interest in food most of the time now, although when I was a kid I was always hungry.” — Alan Ladd

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“Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!” — Steve Martin

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“The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!” — Jerry Seinfeld

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“Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been, only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important, the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly, except shorter and Jewish.” — Denis Leary

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“If you play it straight it's funny - the best comedy is always played straight down the middle. The adjustment is understanding from the screenplay that a moment is hilarious.” — Tom Hiddleston

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“Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.” — Bette Davis

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“I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.” — Samuel Goldwyn

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“If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.” — Rob Corddry

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